Last summer, before our wedding, I found a book on sale at a Christian bookstore. The book was called Barren among the Fruitful: Navigating Infertility with Hope, Wisdom, and Patience by Amanda Haley. I knew I wanted to prepare myself for what was ahead, as much as possible. This book is about a Christian woman who goes through infertility and how she pulls knowledge and strength from the Bible. It was a book that brought me a tremendous amount of peace and hope.
Paul and I were talking recently. I was contemplating having a surgery that had the potential to help regulate my cycle. Paul and I are strictly focused on our adoption and not trying to get pregnant, but we are wanting to help my body however we can. He and I were talking about the risks and benefits of the surgery. One of the risks of the surgery is injury to my ovaries and egg supply. While we were talking I told Paul, "I am so at peace with knowing that my worth as a woman and a person is not in bearing my own children. I will be no less of a mom if I don't carry and deliver our children." This honestly was the first time I really realized how at peace I was with our journey to parenthood. Paul and I have been told that it is highly likely we will have our own children, but obviously we can't know for sure. But becoming parents is more important to us that becoming parents biologically. We are at peace with the idea of adoption being how we start and grow our family. We actually are very excited!
I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 14 years old. I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. So since I was 14 I have been working with doctors to figure out how to help myself in the years leading up to when I want to actively become a mom. So the last 10 years I have been thinking about having children and what that was going to take. Since deciding to focus on just our adoption, I haven't had to think about that and it is SO refreshing. We will go back to it, I am sure but for right now I am reveling in the peace that I am just as much of a woman and mom through adoption and not biological children and my husband is just as much of a man and father through adoption as he would be by helping create a biological child.