A month or so ago I was at a doctor appointment when we discussed the idea of getting a handicap sticker so that I wasn't exhausted just walking into a store. So I got my handicap sticker and we decided that the day of the fair, it would be best to use that and park in a handicap parking lot and ride the handicap bus over to the fair. It was much easier with the wheelchair and we were guaranteed parking. We pull into the parking lot and a parking lot attendant walks up to us as we roll down the window. He paused, looked around the car, and then noticed the handicap sticker in my lap. He looked around again and then said, "I guess I'll believe it" and then he let us through. It took us all a little time to process but as soon as we did, we were all very angry. I was shaking I was so mad. Just because I am young and look physically able, does not mean that my illness doesn't exist or that I did something like borrow my grandparents handicap sticker just so I didn't have to pay for parking. I was livid. Every part of me wanted to go up to him and yell, but I didn't. Someone who wanted to pass judgement that quickly is clearly close-minded, oblivious, and naïve. He didn't deserve an explanation. We hadn't even made it to the fair and that is how the day started.
We get off the bus at the fair grounds and I hadn't gotten in the wheelchair yet. So I walked off the bus and then got in the wheelchair. The stares and looks I got were incredible. No one could figure out why some seemingly healthy looking girl was getting in a wheelchair after she just walked off the bus. I was really self-conscious at this point and I didn't make eye contact with anyone because of fear of their judgement.
We spent the day walking around and eating a ton of greasy food that I know is not good for anyone! But we enjoyed ourselves. Towards the end of the day, my best friend Brittany said to me, "If I see one more person looking at you funny because you are in a wheelchair, I am going to get very mad. Haven't they ever seen anyone in a wheelchair?!" I just laughed it off but I was insecure about it. All day long, I had noticed people stare at me as we walked by. The first thing EVERY SINGLE PERSON did was look to see if I had something on me that was hurt. When they wouldn't see anything, they gave this confused look. It was frustrating.
I was so incredibly lucky to go through these experiences with two people who understand my illness, vulnerabilities, and capabilities. They were supportive and protective and I am so grateful for that and for them.
To the people who couldn't figure out why a young woman who looked to have nothing wrong, was in a wheelchair-
I have an INVISIBLE illness. You probably have never heard of it and you will never understand it. But I am sick. And just because you can't see it, doesn't make it non-existent. It is real, it is painful, and it is debilitating. I may look healthy on the outside but my body is screaming at me. Instead of being offended by your inability to see that people aren't all like you, I will take it as a compliment that you think I look healthy. I work very hard to achieve that look so I grateful you see it that way.
To the people who see a young woman park in a handicap space at the store, and watch her walk in with "no issues"-
I have an INVISIBLE illness. Don't glare at me like I am too lazy to walk from the back of the parking lot. Don't whisper to the people next to you about me. If you want to talk, talk to me about it. Don't just assume that just because my body looks healthy from the outside, that I am healthy inside. I am not.
Educating the people around us about invisible illnesses, is the only way to help people become less inconsiderate, and more knowledgeable. One of the hardest parts of dealing with an invisible illness, is the inability of others to understand it. The judgement, looks, and harsh words that come from someone who can't see we are sick, sometimes cause the most damage to us. Don't ever be afraid to do whatever you need to do in order to be able to thrive in this life as much as possible with an invisible illness. If that means being in a wheelchair when on the outside you look healthy, do it. If that means getting a handicap sticker, so that you can still have some energy to grocery shop, do it. Embrace this invisible illness, educate the people around you, and do whatever you need to do to live your life as comfortably as possible!