I am officially Mrs. Zappa. Our wedding was absolutely the most perfect day. I honestly can't imagine it going better or being more amazing than it was. It was 93 DEGREES out!! At the end of September!! It was sunny and humid, but it was PERFECT. We had the most wonderful people stand by us and support us. We had the most beautiful, traditional, Catholic wedding and then we danced the night a way with about 200 of our favorite people. We are BLESSED. To make the day even more perfect, I felt amazing that day. I was nearly pain free, had a ton of energy, and wasn't distracted by an ounce of my illness all day long! It was INCREDIBLE!
So part of getting married in the Catholic church was that we were encouraged to memorize our vows. I am sure those of you who have chronic illnesses understand that anything I have to do by memory terrifies me. I have a terrible memory. I try really hard to remember things, but it is SO difficult for me. Despite the fear of not being able to do it, I memorized the vows and I will know them by heart for the rest of my life. The most beautiful part of this challenge, for me, is that you are fully grasping the words you are saying. When you repeat them back, not that you don't mean them, but you lose out on the heart of it and the full capacity of what they mean. As I was memorizing these vows there were parts that struck me. "For better or for worse." "In sickness and in health." "Until death do us part." These are just small parts of our vows that made me think about the life Paul and I are blessed enough to have. Paul has seen me at my very best AND at my very worst. He has probably seen me more at the latter than the former. He has held me during my very worst, painful, ugly days and loved me on my beautiful, exciting, positive days. And he is one of the only people I ever want to see me and be with me during both types of days and both sides of me. His love, in either situation, has remained faithful and steadfast.
I giggled a little at the in sickness and in health part. Paul didn't have the option of "in health" with me. From the day he met me, I was easily the sickest I have ever been. He knew that he was getting the "in sickness" with me. He embraced it. He has told me, since we met, that he will do what he can to help me with my illness but that he has never thought less of me because I don't get to be the healthy girl. Paul has never failed to show me that I am not my illness and that our life together will be nothing short of beautiful despite the illness. In fact, we believe, wholeheartedly, that our life together is more beautiful because of the CRPS. We have chosen to look at all of the amazing things that have come because of this illness. Things like vulnerability, honesty, support, grace, and unconditional love.
The until death do us part section of the vows always makes me tear up. The idea that Paul chose to commit to this life for forever amazes me. He chose the pain, selflessness, unconditional love, prescription runs, doctor appointment and hospital stays, challenging, beautiful, full life. He chooses me and this illness of mine EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. That, to me, is what marriage is all about. Choosing each other and all of life's trials and celebrations every single day.... until death. It is seriously the most incredible commitment that you can make to someone else.
We have a lot of goals for our marriage. To have far more celebrations that trials, to have as many kiddos as God decides, to adopt, to have a lot of dogs, to wake up every morning excited to be doing this life together and to go to bed every night grateful that this is our partner in the craziness. To chose each other every day and to spend every day praying with each other and for each other. Our biggest goal in our marriage is to glorify God in everything we do. Paul's dad/ my wonderful father-in-law gave an beautiful speech the night before our wedding. One that honestly had me in tears but also so proud. He said that our job in this marriage was to help each other get to heaven. And then to some day help our children get to heaven. It makes me tear up thinking about it. How blessed am I to be with a man that wants to help me love Jesus more and to get to heaven so that we can worship Him together for eternity. And I feel so honored that Paul has picked me to be the one that pushes him in his relationship with God and allows me to be the one that helps him get to heaven too.
What an incredible message for our incredible day.
Hugs and prayers for all my warriors out there.
Love,
Lauren Zappa :)